The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
