apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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