Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
