For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
