I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
