I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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