Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
