so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
