i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
