At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
