walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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