she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
