only you would photoshop your dick
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize