I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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