So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
