We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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