its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
