this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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