yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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