I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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