just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
