wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and she was petting her beer can
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
