i would punch a child for taco bell
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
