I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
