i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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