It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
