i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My nipple is on Facebook.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
