I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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