Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
