My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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