Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
