Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
