Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Who put my cat in the fridge?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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