I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
