I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
