I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
