Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
