Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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