I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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