So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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