I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
