Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i will never coherently bang her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize