Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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