one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
be right there i have to get my cape
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
