i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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