I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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