why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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