She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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