I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
