apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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