It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
