you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
