His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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