I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
