Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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