They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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