this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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