Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i dont even know how to be here
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
