Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
