Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So here I am, sexting at work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
