Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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