If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
