The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
