She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
