There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
