The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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