get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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