I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
