maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize