this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
