He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
