I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
