my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize