Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
