I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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