it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's official drugs can't kill me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
