Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
