we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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