I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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