I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
