Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize