What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
