my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
