i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
