I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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