I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
