remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
