I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
