Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
