So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
