Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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