I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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