i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
