Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize