we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
