1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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