Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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