I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
