i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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